Saturday, June 02, 2007

so here are some of the joys of lupus

I've had increasing full body pain during the last few weeks, with a host of other maladies. I was losing the ability to walk well this week -- every step was agonizing (foot and leg pain) and my legs would become so weak and numb that I'd have to sit and stretch every block or so (since I have several blocks to walk between my office and any place else at work, this is a real problem).

Then my right shoulder, not wanting to feel left out, decided to act up again. Yesterday was pretty bad, culminating in my inability to raise my arm more than 5-10 degrees with acute pain. When I made my bed last night, it was with a lot of yelps, sharp breaths, and muttered curses. I also can't carry anything in my right hand -- my arm can't bear weight and my hand/fingers alternates between excruciating knife like pain vs. weakness and numbness. Typing right now is quite an experience. If I can hold my arm completely still while only moving my fingers, I'm OK, but you can't really do that and type. I have to stop every sentence or so to rub and stretch my arm. I have to use my left hand to raise or move my right arm.

SO, no major chores this weekend....

I'm rethinking my 4-hr car trip tomorrow. A day of ice packs and NSAIDs may be what I need to do things like brush my teeth and carry a purse. I also have an interview set up for a position that I find I'm not that interested in, but it's closer to my folks, on Monday. Rethinking that as well, knowing that pulling out may hurt future chances at that particular academic institution. In the end, my health is more important than a job interview.

Every now and then, after really beating myself up for ever having gotten as out of shape as I have, I am reminded of why I'm no longer a runner or hiker or the many other things I used to do. PAIN. And lots of it. I've been pretty danged healthy for someone with lupus and with peripheral neuropathy. And now with diabetes. And I'd like to keep it that way.

So, I'm kicked back in my living room, facing our beautiful back yard, looking at the birds, squirrels, trees, clear blue sky, lavender, lilies, bbq (hmmm, that sounds good), and watching Molly curled up in a sunbeam in front of the sliding glass door, glossy black fur alight with sun as she dreams of squirrel smorgasbord, and Fiona curled on the futon, one ear visible, chasing blue jays in her dreams.

I can't complain, even though it sounds as if I am. Life is too danged good.


Anonymous said...

Sister, didn't know you where ailing sooooo, dang lupus. take care of yourself so another day you can take care and enjoy your folkies. Lob K
ps. thanks for the references rewrite-you are incredible.

Phydeaux said...

probably need to clean up my diet, scour my cells with lots of good organic veggies, drink more water, blah blah blah. Hot water therapy works! LONG hot shower when my fingers got to hurting so much I couldn't to a thing this evening. Much better now. dang lupus.