Sunday, June 06, 2010

Leaping lizards and other critters in my living room

I've never been a girl to scream and jump up on chairs if I happen on a critter in my house.

So imagine my mortification when I did just that last night.

(I blame my bare feet and toes.)

Y'know, living at the base of the woods means I find all sorts of critters in my back yard. My front step. The driveway.

NOT in my living room, thank you very much.

At night.


So here's the story.

Fiona was very quiet last night, hanging out in the living room. Since she somehow got herself closed up in the laundry room the previous night (have you forgiven me yet, Fiona?), I went to check things out. And found her staring at something in the corner. With fixed, rapt attention. Periodically poking with paw.

Uh oh. This is never good.

So, stretching up on tippy toes to see from as far away as possible, I saw something tail like sticking out from my laptop bag in the corner. Fat tail like. The brain starts working.
  • Do they have any toys like this? (no)
  • Could a rat tail be that fat? (no - unless it's willard, in which case I'll check into the motel across the street)
  • Ermmm, could that be a snake tail? (ermmm, maybe ....)
So, now I'm on top of my sofa, "oh my goshing" and trying to see what the critter is. I move the bag a bit, and see the tail squiggle.

I shrieked. Like a girl. I think the shriek was more of an "ack" or "gack," but it was followed by much "ick" ing.

So now what do I do? Fiona wants the critter. Molly's losing it on the other side of the living room (my big brave kitty). I want said critter out, without blood or loss of critter parts.

So I run for my kitchen tongs and a bag.

Now I'm perched on sofa, tongs in hand, bag at ready (a slippery plastic one, not one that a lizard - if that's what it is - can easily scrabble out of), perched on the edge of my sofa, meowing kitties (Molly from many feet away), "oh my goshing," and all I can think of is that I'll DIE if this critter crawls up the sofa and somehow makes a beeline for my bare feet.

I'm a little fixated on my feet lately. I think it's thanks to all of the toe trauma.

I quickly lift and toss the computer bag, see a great big HUGE lizard underneath, grab with tongs, actually HAVE the sucker, have to twist it to get it in the bag, and with one big twist and lunge it's free and under the couch.

OK, so, I've always been the one to catch the birds, mice, moles, lizards, snakes, etc. that cats brought in. No critter is too freaky, except for spiders, and then all bets are off. So why is this freaking me out soooo much?

Because you should have heard my shriek when Godzilla got away.

So Godzilla is huge - his body is longer than my hand and I'm tall with long hands. His tail, of course, is longer than his body. So I'm going to guess that he's 8-12" long.

Wouldn't you shriek, too?

Godzilla is now safely esconced under a sofa or maybe the pillow on my bed (shudder). I can't deal with it any more. I will - of course - have to deal with it today, but since that will involve shrieking and shuddering and the need to cover my toes with hip length wading boots (boy, I sure wish I had a pair!), it will have to happen later today.

And here's why.

After Godzilla, I came back in to check things out and found a HUGE fat spider hanging from a thread from the rafters in my living room.

I'm sorry folks, but I had no problem sending his soul to heaven.

And then found a HUGE moth in my kitchen. Moths seriously creep me out, but I managed to get him outside.

And then happened on a HUGE weird bug in the bathroom.

Steven King couldn't make this stuff up.

Living at the base of the woods is great fun. Until the woods starts to come in.

I need to find a lizard catching kit today ... hope your Sunday is more fun!


Heather Jane said...

Lol! Good luck. It sounds like you've got a rather interesting adventure going on over there.

Brenda said...

Agh!!! Makes me think twice about my dream of living in the sticks. :P

Sharon said...

Good golly, that brings back memories! Your lizard sounds like a mondo huge one. I'd scream, too.

As a twenty-something, I used to live in Los Gatos, not far from you, I reckon, in a tiny cottage at the base of the Santa Cruz foothills. Lizards were always getting in. I'd find them on the wall higher up than the cats could jump. They just sit and stare at them.

So I'd wrap my hand in paper towel, grab the lizard in the mid section, and it would freeze until I released it outside. Always gave me the willies. About the same time I read a lot of Stephen King late at night, and because I lived alone had a lot of nightmares.

Your wonderful post made me laugh--a nervous laugh that echoed your fear in my bones. Is there really such a thing as a lizard catching kit? If not, there should be.

Summer said...

Oh, Brenda...keep us updated! I'm sure he's a nice lizard. :)

I did know a gal once who woke up to opossums in her bedroom! Now that's a tail!

Brenda said...

Haha, Sharon! Very close to where I live now, I'm sure. I think lizards on the wall are very Stephen King worthy. Eesh!

Summer, we have possums aplenty here. If I found one in my bedroom I would be SO SO unhappy! Ack!

No luck with the lizard today! I have a ramped up plan for tomorrow - wish me luck! :D